Lamentations of a Unicorn Scorned
by Frank Riccobono
Sometimes all you need is a title to get started. We were in a brainstorming meeting for our sketch comedy group, and someone wrote this phrase on the whiteboard just before leaving for another club meeting. I knew right away I had to write it. This is meant to have the feel of a liturgical chant. Be warned, as you might guess from the title, it gets somewhat depressing.
℟ Here begin the lamentation of a unicorn scorned.
℣ I dash my hooves upon the ground and ring my horn.
My unicorn brethren have abandoned me.
My fur is not white and thus I am forsaken.
So long, now, have I wished to cavort with my fellow immortal stallions.
Would that I could bleach my fur.
℟ Betrayed by his kindred, the unicorn did try to join a bronco herd.
℣ Even the horses contemn me.
This appendage on my head betrays me.
They know I am not of them.
They fear and shun me.
I try to saw off my horn,
But as I am invulnerable, I cannot make a scratch.
The rain is falling now, like my silvery tears.
℟ Being cast out too by equine kind, the unicorn did try to befriend man.
℣ The human and his sons ignore me.
They will not leave their work to notice me.
They build and build.
Each blow of their mallet is a dagger in my heart.
Still this rain, it falls.
℟ Forty days and forty nights it rained. The unicorn was near his death.
℣ I stand alone upon this hill.
The flood waters rise around me.
In the distance, I see the man and his sons.
Their boat has saved them.
Aboard the ship, the broncos neigh with happiness.
The other beasts are saved
And now, sweet death will find me.
℟ Here conclude the lamentations of a unicorn scorned.